Halloween is more than just dressing up and eating sweets. It’s the perfect opportunity for some creepy jokes and eerie wordplay. If you’re organizing a Halloween bash, in need of conversation starters for a school function, or simply want to amuse your loved ones, these 70 Halloween puns and jokes are guaranteed to make ghosts and kids of all ages crack up. With subjects ranging from monsters to witches to graveyards, you’ll find the ideal mix of spooky and silly quips for the occasion. So embrace the festive spirit, have a laugh, and get ready for a hauntingly hilarious holiday!
Ghostly Giggles
- What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
- Sham-boo!
- Why did the ghost go into the bar?
- For the boos.
- What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
- Hoblin Goblin.
- Why are ghosts bad at lying?
- Because you can see right through them!
- What do you call a ghost’s mistake?
- A boo-boo.
- What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
- Mas-scare-a.
- Why did the ghost go to the party alone?
- Because he had no body to go with!
- What room does a ghost not need?
- A living room!
- What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
- I scream!
- What do you call two ghosts that are in love?
- Love at first fright!
Vampire Vittles
- What type of dog do vampires like best?
- Bloodhounds.
- What kind of boat do vampires travel in?
- Blood vessels.
- Why do vampires always seem sick?
- Because they’re always coffin.
- What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
- Frostbite.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
- A blood orange.
- Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
- He heard it had great circulation.
- What do vampires take when they are sick?
- Coffin drops.
- What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal?
- Steak.
- How does a girl vampire flirt?
- She bats her eyes.
- Why did the vampire subscribe to the New York Times?
- He heard it had great circulation.
Witchy Wit
- What do witches put in their hair?
- Scare spray.
- What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
- A sand-witch.
- What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?
- A sandwich!
- Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?
- They don’t want to fly off the handle!
- How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
- With scare spray!
- Why was the witch’s broom late?
- It over-swept!
- What do you call a witch’s garage?
- A broom closet.
- What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?
- Broommates.
- What do you call a witch with a rash?
- An itchy witchy.
- What goes “cackle, cackle, cackle, boom”?
- A witch in a minefield.
Monster Mash
- What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
- A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
- Why don’t mummies take vacations?
- They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
- What kind of music do mummies listen to?
- Wrap music.
- Why did the zombie skip school?
- He felt rotten.
- What’s a monster’s favorite dessert?
- I scream!
- What do you call a monster made of cement?
- A Frankenstein.
- Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
- Because he wanted a light snack.
- What would a monster’s psychiatrist be called?
- Shrinkenstein.
- What did one monster say to the other?
- “You’re OK, but your friend looks a little Franken-fine!”
- Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
- They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
Pumpkin Puns
- Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?
- It had no guts.
- How do you mend a broken jack-o-lantern?
- With a pumpkin patch.
- What do you call a fat pumpkin?
- A plumpkin.
- Why are jack-o-lanterns so smart?
- Because they’re well read! (Carved and lit up with knowledge)
- What did the pumpkin say to the pumpkin carver?
- “Cut it out!”
- Why do pumpkins never quarrel?
- Because they don’t have the stomach for it.
- What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
- “You look a little sick.”
- Why was the pumpkin so relaxed?
- Because it had a candle inside.
- What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving?
- “Good-pie everyone!”
- What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre?
- Pulp fiction.
Skeleton Scenarios
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
- Because he had no-body to go with.
- What do you call a skeleton who won’t work?
- Lazy bones.
- Why do skeletons fight each other?
- They have a bone to pick.
- What instrument do skeletons play?
- Trom-bone.
- Why don’t skeletons play music in church?
- They have no organs.
- What did the skeleton say before dinner?
- Bone appetite!
- Why did the skeleton cross the road?
- To get to the body shop.
- What do skeletons say before eating?
- Bone appetit!
- Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
- He didn’t have the guts.
- What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?
- A bone-zai tree.
Bonus Batty Jokes
- Why don’t bats live alone?
- They prefer to hang out with their friends.
- What do you call a bat that thinks he’s a cat?
- A bat-fink.
- What game do bats like to play?
- Baseball.
- Why did the bat miss the bus?
- Because he hung around too long.
- What do you get when you cross a bat with a lonely heart?
- Love at first bite.
- What’s a bat’s favorite dessert?
- Mosquito ice cream.
- How do bats keep their hair in place?
- With bat spray!
- Why do bats never go to the beach?
- They don’t want to get sunburned.
- What do baby bats sleep in?
- Bat cribs.
- What did the mom bat say to her naughty son?
- “You’re driving me batty!”
These Halloween jokes are ideal for bringing a sense of playfulness and a bit of spooky excitement to your celebrations. Pass them along to friends, include them in your party invitations, or simply have a laugh with your loved ones. Wishing you a joyful Halloween season!